A Year In and a Trip Home

November 13, 2023 - View of The Old Temple of Athena on the Acropolis. Athens, Greece.

I've used the word "home" in many different contexts during this trip. When we're out and about in a new city, I say to Johnny "Do you want to go home?", referring to our current accommodations, whether that be a hotel, apartment, hostel, etc. Other times I may ask, "Anything new back home", meaning our friend group back in Arlington, VA. I might also share that "I have an update from home" to mean the farm where I grew up in California. Home can be lots of places.

Throughout the experience of being "homeless" for the past year, the expression "home is where the heart is" has taken on a deeper meaning. For the most part, my home is with Johnny, but we all know that our hearts don't usually just reside with one person. Besides a partner, you share your heart with your best friends, your brother and sister, your parents...any number of people that hold a piece of you. 

We got the call that no one wants to get, and we needed to head back home. In this case, home meant Johnny's childhood home. 

On the evening of November 12, we arrived in Athens after an all-day bus ride from Albania. We had a great hotel in the Psiri neighborhood and spent the evening exploring the area and visiting the flea market in Monastiraki. Despite Johnny's complaints about how expensive the coffee was compared to Albania, we splurged a bit on a nicer dinner near the Acropolis and had some amazing traditional Greek dishes. Back at the hotel, we spent the evening planning out the next couple of weeks in the Greek islands before we were scheduled to leave for Sri Lanka on November 25. I booked us a walking tour for the next morning and bought our tickets for the Acropolis for the afternoon. Johnny had called his Mom from the hotel and they had a brief chat. Then we went to sleep never imagining what we'd wake to. 

On November 13, a call from John's Dad woke us, first Johnny's phone, then mine. I picked up and was told that Sue, John's mother, had passed during the night. It was about 9am our time, 2am back in Philadelphia. In complete shock, it's hard to know what to do next. The first thing John did was open his computer and book us a flight back to DC, leaving the following morning. I'm sure many of you can imagine, or may have even experienced it yourself, but at that point we were left in that place of grief, with no way to help or support, far away from loved ones. There's nothing you can do except count the moments until you are reunited with them. You're in a holding pattern and feel hopeless and aimless and just sort of numb. 

I asked Johnny if he still wanted to go on the tour, more so we weren't just sitting in the hotel room, lost in the shock of it all. I thought it might help pass the time and Johnny agreed he'd give it a try and just leave if he needed to. We walked around the Parthenon in silence and reflection, wandering both in mind and body. It was a beautiful clear day and I kept imagining what Sue would say or do if she was there seeing the sites with us. 

After a somber day with little to say as we both processed what happened, we packed our bags and prepared for the long flight that would bring us back to Washington, D.C., arriving late that night at our house that we had left 11 months earlier. The next day we headed to Johnny's childhood home outside of Philidelphia. 

For those of you who have lost someone, I'm sure you're familiar with everything that follows. All the planning and details that go into organizing a memorial, from meeting with a funeral director, gathering family photos, picking out a casket, a final outfit, the flowers, the prayer cards, the programs, the list was long and daunting and everything was just one step at a time. But in all that, there are also stories, and laughs as someone remembers a funny moment to share, and time with family reconnecting with a remembered appreciation to cherish loved ones while you can.

Sue was laid to rest on the Friday after Thanksgiving. We had some friends travel from DC, which meant so much to us to see them there to support Johnny. The next few days were filled with family time, receiving visitors and being received. Sue was one of 13 siblings, many of them in the Philidelphia area, and each one with fairly expansive families of their own. After nine years together, I think I finally got all their names down as we sat together over food and remembrance over the following days. 

Johnny stayed with his father while I headed back to DC to take care of some things before flying out to visit my own family in California, arriving in Fresno on December 2. It was great auntie time, first with my sister's family in Reedley, then up North in Ripon with my parents and brother on the almond farm. As much as it was a terrible reason to come back to the US, I really valued that unexpected time with my family. I hadn't seen them in almost a year and it would've been at least 6 more months before I would have even had a chance to see them again. It was made even more special by the fact that it was so close to Christmas, adding that extra holiday spirit, watching the kids open their presents from Tante Bobbie and Uncle J, and attending their school Christmas programs. I was even able to take my eldest niece for a hike up in Pinecrest, my family's old summer camping spot. It was a really special trip home, but it flew by and before I knew it, it was time to leave one home to return to the other and I was on a flight back to DC to reunite with Johnny on December 14. 

 

At this point, we had originally planned to resume our trip and even booked and canceled a flight to Ecuador for the 19th, but in the end, we decided to stay until the New Year. The decision to stay was two-fold; one, to be sure that all the correct paperwork was filed and underway regarding probate and execution of the will, and two, flight prices were almost triple if we were to try to fly between December 20 and 30. It ended up all working out as it allowed us to spend Christmas with Johnny's family in Philly, which felt important as holidays are always difficult when a loved one has passed. Christmas also included a big family party, complete with a Pakistani Santa Claus, dancing, a white elephant exchange, and musical chairs. As an added bonus, we also got to pretend we had a dog for a few days as Johnny's sister's dog, Max, was staying with us in PA.

       

Once the new plan was in place to leave after New Year's, it was basically throwing a dart at a map to figure out where we would resume our trip. We knew because of time and cost we wouldn't be able to add Sri Lanka back into our itinerary, so we decided to set our sights on South America. Using Google Flights, I set our departure airport as DC with no set destination and scanned the map for the best prices. With that strategy, we landed on Brazil, specifically Rio de Janeiro, on January 2. (Added bonus, we will just miss the new Brazil Visa requirement going into effect Jan 10).

With a departure date set, even if it was a little later than originally thought, we could plan out our remaining time in the US. There were lots of errands to run, from Johnny replacing his passport as we had a growing concern he would run out of pages, to renewing our international driver's licenses that were set to expire at the end of the year. We were also able to catch up and reconnect with many of our DC friends, and with just a few days left now until we head out again, we're looking forward to NYE in our Arlington home, then repacking the bags to set out on our adventure once again. 

December 31st will mark one year since we left the US to start this journey.  We had no plans to come back until we were done with the whole trip, but life has a way of reminding you that things don't always go as planned. Our time home was difficult, dealing with loss and what life looks like moving forward without Sue, but despite the black cloud that lay over it all, there were also really special moments connecting with loved ones, a reminder to cherish those that make home feel like home. Sue loved to travel, and she always encouraged it for her children as well. I like to think that she's happy we're out there exploring the world, and as we continue our adventure, we'll keep her in our hearts and minds as a constant feeling of what is home.  

Surriya "Sue" Gill-Miller. October 20, 1952 to November 13, 2023.